Have you ever just sat in base disgust at your computer for being so damn slow? Does Internet Explorer display with the speed of drunk snails? It was quick and speedy when you bought it ... why is it so sluggish now? How can I fix it?
It doesn't feel normal anymore if I'm not asked these questions at least once a day. The answer is a complicated one, but what in life isn't these days? So here are some ways to discover what is causing your PC to be slow, how to fix it, and some good PC habits. Consider these the brushing and flossing of PC housekeeping.
First, let's identify what's actually going on behind the scenes. I hope you didn't call tech support, nine times out of 10 their answer is "Buy more hardware!," and the 10th time it's "Sorry, can't help." Tech support lines have been so inundated with these kinds of fruitless inquiries that most tech support lines are now charging by the minute. Scaly snakes sell you a PC and then charge you by the minute to keep it in good working order? At least your car came with a guide on how to change the oil. Most of those tech support people know less than you do anyway. They'll help you figure out if your printer isn't plugged in, but they won't know where to start when you ask questions like, "Why does it take so long for Microsoft Word to start?"
As an interesting aside, Microsoft now loads specialized software that runs on your computer 24/7 and intercepts requests to start Word and other MS Office software to make it faster. Of course they don't tell you having MS Office applications start faster makes everything else on the computer start slower, but when has respect for the consumer ever been a MS practice?
Ok, let's get into the dirty gritty part. First, let's defrag, baby!! Fragmentation is the case where a file gets split up into parts and placed onto separate physical parts of the hard drive. It looks like a complete file to you, but when the hard drive wants to load that file, it has to go to several different parts of the drive and get all the pieces, put them together, and give it to you. Hard drives have two speeds associated with them that are relevant here. Seek time and transfer rate. Seek time is the time it takes the hard drive to find the right spot on the disk. As hard drives get larger and larger, seek times pay the price. Transfer speed is how fast it can deliver data to the computer from the hard disk once is has the data. This is usually fast and measured in MB/s (megabytes/sec). So if one file is in 10 parts on the disk, it has to seek 10 times, get all that data, then it can give it to you. A typical fragmented file could have over 1,000 parts. I've seen files with over 100,000 parts. Oh the pain. So ... defrag that baby! But ... but ... how? While I'd love to say, "Use the defrag tool that comes with your computer," I can't. The defrag tool that comes with Windows is broken. It just plain doesn't work. It's like putting a band aid on an arterial spray. Get yourself a real defrag tool, like Diskeeper (www.diskeeper.com). Use it, love it. It will love you back for only $30. They have some trial versions and free versions too.
Step 1 complete! Get some coffee, it's going to be a long night. Next, a surefire way to slow down your computer is to have poorly made, laggy software running on your computer constantly. One infamous example is Norton AntiVirus. What Mr. Norton doesn't tell you when you install his software is that you give it permission to monitor, record, intercept, and insult and mock every single itty bitty thing you do. No wonder your computer is so slow when Norton's crappy software is stepping between you and every program, every website, and every mouse click. If you're happier having someone hold your hand while you cross the street, then leave it as is. Otherwise, turn off all the automatic checking and run it manually when you want to. That alone does wonders for most computers.
Don't stop there! Most new computers come with a plethora of "free" software preloaded onto your computer. Uninstall it all! My next point in PC Health is UNINSTALL! Every piece of installed software is like medication for your computer. Only take the meds you should! Ditch the rest. In Control Panel, Add/Remove Programs, look through the list and uninstall anything you don't need anymore. I usually uninstall anything I don't recognize, but this is an advanced maneuver, and could cause trouble for the faint of heart.
More coffee, thanks. Next time your computer seems slow, open up Task Manager. Right click on the task bar to get it. Look in the "Process" list and sort the output by CPU %'s. Is something eating 90-plus percent of your CPU? Probably it's a runaway program, one out of control that won't ever stop. Most people fix this by rebooting, but you can kill the process manually right here. Sometimes you can identify what software the process belongs to by its name. Other times you can't. Runaway software is a great way to turn your machine into a gibbering idiot. Getting some software like TaskInfo
(http://www.iarsn.com/download.html) can help you identify what program started which process. Find the process, find the program, uninstall it, patch it, or just turn it off.
Don't think we're done just yet ... because many programs will install itself to auto-start every time you start your computer. Which means every time you boot up, some crappy software starts, slowing down your boot up. Also since it starts up automatically, it takes up valuable system resources that otherwise would be helping you. Instead it helps itself to your hard-earned system functions. Like the house guest who helps himself to all your food, these programs are nasty little parasites that take take take 24 hours a day and then think its all OK when one day for five minutes it saves you three seconds of startup time. Kick the vermin out! For newer computers, run "msconfig" from the "Run" option on the start menu. Choose the "StartUp" tab and look at everything that is starting up automatically every time you start windows. Uncheck anything that you aren't sure you want. Just turn it all off, and if, on the one-in-a-million, off-chance that it was actually helping something, go back and turn it on later.
Intimidated yet? Don't be, nothing is that tough once you set your mind to it.
Published in 2003